Thursday, June 1, 2023
It's hard to believe that nearly 11 years have passed since Jack departed. I just learned of this book this eve, May 31, 2023.
Jack and I were lovers from the time he was 69 and I was 64. Our relationship lasted several years until I asked him to spend more time with me. His commitment to his two single daughters did not permit this to happen, so I moved on with my life, hoping to find someone who wanted what I wanted. I don't think we ever stopped loving each other.
I learned about Jack's demise while attending a workshop. I was in shock at its cause. I pleaded with him so many times not to do handyman work that might be injurious to his health and welfare due to his age. He never assumed such an accident could occur.
His adult girls were his priority. Having lost Jane so suddenly at such an early age, he raised his 3 girls and always maintained an enmeshment with his two youngest, Christine and Jenny.
I still have his letter telling me that he could not meet my needs of sharing more time together because of his responsibility to Christine, who needed medical assistance and Jenny who shared a very codependent relationship with her father. They loved him very much as he did them. I realized I was on the back burner, so I had to say good-bye to the love of my life. We had shared 5 amazing years together.
Jack arranged to meet in Dublin to attend the Sinn Fein 100th birthday celebration. We went to California to be with his eldest daughter and her family. We traveled to the Grand Canyon, enjoying the time we shared as our love grew.
I invited Jack to join me on an Alaska cruise where I was invited to speak on relationships. We traveled through the Canadian Rockies aboard a railway and to other cites across the Rockies. Our time together was unforgettable as was Jack's presence and essence.
I never wanted to separate Jack from his daughters, as I had 5 children and a few grandchildren at the time. Jack had guilt and fear of abandoning his daughters, who I am sure was his issue: not theirs.
Whatever the reason, it didn't matter. That was the destiny of our relationship and I accepted that.
Jack had a generosity of spirit that was incomparable. He was funny, full of life and love, handsome as a movie star and one of the kindest human beings I have ever known.
I was heart broken not to be able to say good-bye to him in person. I begged his daughter, Jenny to let me fly up to where he was hospitalized, but she found reasons to reject my wishes, leaving me without any closure as he was not able to speak on the phone.
His funeral was in mid-winter, so I was unable to attend and give him my last words. I cried for weeks with regrets that I still hold in my heart today.
I loved Jack and he told me that the time we had together was the happiest times of his life.
Where his soul resides, I know he will be missing me as much as I miss him. He lived a spiritual life, dedicated to his cause of the IRA and his girls. They were so lucky to have him as their father. A finer man does not exist.
He would have been devastated to learn that Donald Trump became our president and ridden with fear with might be next.
I believe that Jack is seated next to G-d as that's where he deserves to be. My time with Jack will stay with me until my death. I miss him so much!
We were introduced by my cousin, Jamie, the receptionist at Dr. Guck's office, Jack's physician.
There are those in our lives who will always be remembered and revered. Jack was my soul mate and due to extenuating circumstances beyond my control, I was not able to say good-bye to this extraordinary man,
His mission was to be a father to Christine and Jenny. He always wanted to support and protect them.
He could not sustain the pressure between us and his girls, so he said good-bye to me in the sweetest letter that I still have. He understood my needs and my sorrow, but in the end he made his choice that he had to live with. I never held any anger or resentment in my heart as I knew and understood his reasons. I will always love, honor and respect this man among men.
I miss you my dearest. I hope you are at peace and know that I breathe you in with every breath I take.
Joni
